“They just cannot focus!” is the first thing people say when defining ADHD. It’s
like the world created its own definition of this disorder. I, like many with
ADHD, find this oversimplification of what can be a complex existence
frustrating.  ADHD is so much more than those four words, and it is an
insult to those who suffer to think it can be reduced to four words.  When
people think of ADHD, the focus is on the negative, but it’s not all negative.
There are traits that I value in myself; these are many of my ADHD traits.
The ADHD individual is the person I want with me in a crisis; I want me
in a crisis.  I may sweat the little things, but I can remain calm and
compartmentalize in a crisis.  If multi-tasking were a sport, I would have
a gold medal, and if something interests me, I become the expert until the next
thing interests me, then I master that as well.

Do not get me wrong, many issues come along with my ADHD, and when I say it
impacts every aspect of people’s lives, it truly can. I can be a lot. That is
maybe an understatement. I am an all-or-nothing person. I am all in, which can
be a lot of pressure on others because I expect this approach to be
reciprocated. It takes a toll on my relationships; I won’t lie. It is something
I have a hard time compromising about.

I will be married 25 years this July, although it does not seem that long.
He makes me laugh; he is as sensitive as I am and always has my back, no matter
what. I always say we have been through much more than most, but we all think about our life experiences. Yet here we are twenty-five years later, stronger than
ever. When it came to my ADHD, my husband listened, read books and took the
time to learn how my ADHD brain works. Don’t get me wrong; we are far from perfect, and the fact that we are both super competitive hotheads lends to some
passionate discussions.

I guess what I am trying to say is that ADHD does impact relationships, and
there have been many misunderstandings because of some of my ADHD traits. I interrupt people all the time, I am working on it, and it is getting better, but I also
explain that I am sorry for being rude but need to share my thought before it
is gone. I get accused of gaslighting, although I do not get the concept, even
though everyone tries to explain it. What I do know is that it is bad, and I
promise it is not my intention. My memory sucks…plain and simple. I do not
remember things. I am often misunderstood as ‘one-upping’ people with a story
related to myself when only trying to show I understand their feelings.

Learning to communicate and accept people for who they are is so important.
Remember, we all have stories, and our history makes us who we are. This makes
me think of a story. One evening, sitting together and having a glass of wine, I looked around the room at pictures of our children when they were young.  My
husband asked why I was crying, and I explained that I do not remember so many moments in our lives.  The next day he started a book where we wrote stories of our relationship, beginning with the day we met. My lesson is to remember the small things they often mean the most.

I re-read what I wrote, and it is all over the place. No linear thought in
this one, but I am going to share it because although far from perfect, I feel
it shares some things that are important to me.