My ADHD plate is ginormous, at least in my mind. I constantly take on multiple tasks that I am convinced I can handle. My ADHD brain is, in my mind, larger than life.

I have always been like this. I live my life overwhelmed and in a constant state of chaos. I present as calm on the outside, although my mind is probably racing. Could also be why I am calm in crisis but sweat the small stuff. Calmness throws me off and makes me feel like something ominous lurks around the corner. When things are going smoothly, they seem unreal and make me uneasy. Downtime translates into unfocused, overwhelming moments that create anxiety. It is also often how I respond to compliments or accolades, maybe it is because they were so absent during my developmental years and cause me to downplay my accomplishments.

Do not get me wrong, I know when I have done well. Those are very emotional moments for me. I am not warm and fuzzy, but when I made the Deans list, I cried, my first conference acceptance, I cried, the SEAC meeting ending in a letter to the ministry, I cried. These are accomplishments that I did not plan, did not think would happen and although my accomplishments they are part of my journey to help others. This is where although not warm and fuzzy, my emotions take over. These are accomplishments that will eventually help others like me. At least this is the goal.

My ADHD plate is ceramic and held together by copious amounts of glue, globbed on haphazardly and a mess because I likely did not read the instructions. Reading instructions take time and require focus, and let us be honest, their way is probably not how I would do it anyway. Their way would be linear, and I am not linear. I am chaos and cracks and glue, but I am resilient, have character and would not change a thing.