When we were kids making friends seemed to develop out of proximity, like being in the same class or being forced to spend time together because your parents are friends. It was easy, or so it seemed. I am lucky to work with one of my closest friends. Working with someone you trust and know has your back is nice, especially in the chaos that is my job. She keeps me sane.

Late in life friends are different. There should be apps for friendships, like dating apps but for friends. How do we make friends late in life? Have you ever thought about it?  It feels like a lottery of sorts; the lucky ones can strike up a conversation randomly and have it evolve into a friendship. A friendship that lasts. Do not get me wrong, it happens occasionally. It actually happened to me about 7-8 years ago while my son was at swimming lessons. I met a late in life friend, which by default then brought me a few more late in life friends. This evolved into a group of women who are each unique and fantastic in their own way. I do not see these women often but when I do it is like no time has passed.

As I mentioned above, this group of women was brought into my life by the virtuous leader of this adult friend group who I met at my son’s swim lessons. It was weird, we clicked right away, which does not ever happen to me. We got to talking, found out our birthdays, and our husbands birthdays are also a day apart, it was like it was meant to be. The following week she invited me to go on a wine tour (I knew then she was a keeper) and the rest is history. We are very different, she is the life of the party, a super positive person who makes everyone feel comfortable and included. I am the wallflower of the crowd. Probably why it works. They say opposites attract. Maybe its a libra thing…lol.

In our life, we need people to rely on, those who are there for us through thick and thin. This is the test. The women who came into my life through this late-in-life friend are amazing. During covid, we sat outside in the dead of winter to support a friend through a hard time. We have helped each other by being there for each other, no questions asked. These woman, all different have been a blessing who do not judge me when I am overwhelmed and go through periods of ghosting them. They know it is not them it is me.

For many of us, particularly neurodivergent people, it’s more complicated.  I often state, “I hate crowds or people.”  This exaggeration is often my anxiety talking. The reality is that they push me outside of my comfort zone, and neurodivergent or not, we all hate that feeling. Sometimes it makes me behave differently, especially when there are new people I do not know. The friend ghosting is also not intentional, I promise I am working on it.

While in university, my daughter wrote an article about how music playlists reflect moments in our lives. Friends are similar.  We often have different friends at different moments of our life. If we are lucky, we carry some of those friends throughout the different challenges and stages.  I am fortunate to have a friend from early childhood; she moved away to Australia when we were in our teens. I have seen her sporadically over the years; it’s a long commute…lol. She is visiting this week; it is the first time I will see her since my mom passed in 2017.  I treasure that friendship; it is one that, after many decades, picks up where it left off. For me this is a sign of a true friend.

Friendships that pick up out of nowhere are unique, at least I think so. Another unique friend is someone I met 21 years ago when our kids were in kindergarten. We moved away a year later, spoke occasionally but I stayed away fifteen years. In 2020 we moved back and the two of us picked up like I had never left. This is a perfect friendship because we are both so busy and rarely text, but when we have time, we hang out. No pressure and no expectations but always lots of fun. We are both a lot on our own, (although she may disagree) and when we spend time together it is often just the two of us and for good reason…lol.

My mom used to like to remind me that there is a difference between friends and acquaintances. My mom, now she, was lucky. She was rich with friends.  My mom valued and nurtured her friendships.  When she passed in 2017 at 73, she had friends she had known her whole life, literally all 73 years.  The friendships my mom had were unique; they were priceless.  She made friends throughout her life and made every one of those friends a priority, and when she became sick, those friends were there.  They would visit the hospice. They did not disappear but rallied as she would have done for them.

This post took a left turn, and I am unsure where to go with it.  Maybe it is the emotional build-up to my impending visit from my only early childhood friend. It is also that I feel lucky, the women I have in my life are good friends, my late in life friends are all amazing women. Might also remembering how lucky my mom was throughout her life and up to her last breath to have an incredible group of friends. As someone who is neurodivergent , I know how lucky I am because I can be a lot. Thank you for being patient and understanding,

As a side, I want to say. Thank you to my mom’s friends.  You know who you are, and if you are reading this, know that she valued every one of you, and to her, you were priceless.  I am sure there are times you wish she were there to talk to, and she could talk.  To anyone, anytime, anyplace and about anything. Just know she is still with you and still listening, just differently.