Too many words, too long to tell me what you want me to know.  When I am unfocused, my daughter will say, “Focus”. People have given her a hard time when she does this, but she responds, “I have to; otherwise, it will take her 45 min to tell me something that should take 5”.  It is true. I am good with it and tell others to say “focus” if they feel I am on the path to never getting to the point, I promise I do not take offence. I might take offence if you did not do it because then it means you are allowing me to waste your time in a way I hate when others do it to me. This happens all the time. Both happen all the time.

This goes both ways; the funny thing is that although people speaking to me are not struggling to stay on the topic, they take so long to get to their point and by the time they do, I have stopped listening. I make lists for everything and check them off as I go; it could be a better system, but it does help. I recently tried to make a list to refer to in a conversation I had with someone.  I prefaced the chat because I had the list and wanted to ensure I did not forget anything. This worked, and I should not be surprised. I guess it is like using a power point when I speak at conferences to help keep me on track so my non-linear thinking does not take over and we are not still sitting there hours later. Nobody is that interesting.

It can be a lot when my non-linear thinking takes over my conversations or rears its ugly head in my writing. For my writing, I have used a few tricks.  I write one part at a time to avoid becoming overwhelmed and stay on topic. Then I piece it together adding transition sentences. Peer review is another, but I make sure they are people who will be honest and provide critical constructive criticism. The most important and most useful trick is the zombies. I use this trick with both writing and my verbal communication.

By zombies is a trick I learnt to change passive language to active language.  In writing, some say it does not sound as pretty, but it is more academic. It removes so many unnecessary words and is more direct and gets to the point. In spoken language, it is brilliant when communicating with someone with ADHD who needs direct, clear, concise communication without silly filler words. The extra words are a distraction for people with ADHD and unnecessary.  An example of this is:

It seems trivial, but that’s a significant difference for a person with ADHD who stopped listening or became distracted. I know it looks like it’s not a big deal, but in reality, it can affect the quality of communication and, in some cases, even avoid conflict.

            The point of this is that communication is vital to healthy relationships. We all communicate differently.  We all have quirks.  We have all been in conversations where we think to ourselves, “I wish they would get to the point,” or a conversation ends, and you think, “Did I miss something? Was there a point?”. People with ADHD probably tuned out five words in and started thinking about what they needed to do later or the “squirrel” across the street. This is perhaps where those with and without ADHD wish people would be more direct, stop treading so lightly and tell it like it is so we can all get on with our lives.

            I feel like I need to add a public service announcement, and I should preface that I know we live in a time when people’s feelings seem to get hurt by absolutely everything. Active language may be perceived as “aggressive” by some. My response would be that I feel passive language is an assault on my brain cells and a waste of my time, so toughen up Buttercup. Life is short, and I do not have the time or brain capacity for people who are afraid to share their thoughts.  The reality is that I do not have to like what you say, but I do need to respect your honesty. SO USE ACTIVE LANGUAGE! Be clear and concise in communication, consider the feelings of the person you are speaking to because although I am sure you are a great person time is finite, we only live once.