Shhhh… stop and listen or rather hear what is being said.  Have you ever felt like people do not hear what you are saying? I feel like this is a lost art.  We focus so much on people and their listening skills when we should focus on their hearing skills.  People can listen to you all they want, but it does not mean they hear you. For some, I am sure this makes no sense at all. Listening can be passive if you do not hear what is being said. Take the time to hear the person you are conversing with.

We sometimes get caught up in how people communicate with us rather than what they are communicating.  The tone or volume of voice and body language can cause us to stop listening and hearing the message. Could we decipher the message if we transcribed what was being said and read it after an argument? Processing the information without emotion would serve similarly to active listening and hearing what is being said. Communication is complex, and messages get conflated.  It reminds me of the game of telephone because what is said is often perceived to mean something else by the person it is being said to.

As someone with ADHD who needs to communicate more clearly, or linearly as some like to put it, I can guarantee that I am not always heard. People probably listen and think, WTF is she talking about? She jumped from one topic to the next, asked ten questions, and then stopped and did not complete one thought. Those who know me think that’s a conversation with her.  Oh, that’s the other thing.  I converse with questions, and it drives people crazy.

I have been told I am hard to communicate with.  I ask too many questions and pause at the most nonsensical times. About that, I apologize. It’s my rhythm and works for me. I converse in questions because I do but not really do.  My questions are not random and usually prompted by something the person said or failed to say. The questions are for clarity and to make it easier for me not to have to focus on keeping the conversation on the topic. I am sure there are times my form of communicating with questions comes across as overly assertive or overwhelming. I am sorry, but it is me; it is what works for me.  I think it is essential for people to try to respect and understand that we are all different.  What works for me only works for some.  They are meant to try to maintain my focus and not take 45 minutes to tell someone something that should take 5 minutes. 

Does it take me longer to make a point? Yes sometimes. Is it annoying? I bet it is because it also frustrates me. It is funny, not, ha-ha, funny but ironic that I get frustrated at people because I do not feel heard, but then I am also frustrated with myself for being unable to communicate.  It’s quite a conundrum.  The point is to actively listen, ask questions, clarify and be patient with people.  If someone takes the time to communicate with you, then take the time to actively listen and hear what they are saying.  If you cannot do that, then let them know. It’s only fair, I think, because we all know when people are not listening to us.  I do not know about you, but it hurts my feelings when that happens.