Damn, you brain.  I have stated before that I only realized my intelligence less than five years ago.  I know this sounds wild, but it’s my reality. I sometimes feel like I have two brains, one that is driven and hyper-focused and another that is scattered and struggles to recall words or remember the most straightforward fact. These two brains of mine share one commonality: the inability to shut itself off.  My ADHD brain is complex and the ruler of my world, both the highs and the lows and the inability to sleep, but I will save it for the next blog because it is worthy of a blog all to itself.  I know many can relate.

I had the opportunity to go on an epic adventure vacation recently.  I went to visit my childhood best friend; this is by far my longest friendship. I have known her my whole life, minus maybe three or four years, and I am no “spring chicken,” as they say. Suzy lives in Australia and is super fit, adventurous and a planner.  Before embarking on this adventure to travel across the world to visit Suzy, I made two significant decisions.  1. I would lean into it and go with everything she planned, her extensive “itinerary” that filled every day of the 14-day trip and 2. I was not going to take my ADHD medication; I was going to give my brain a vacation from the chemicals that I have come to rely on. Full disclosure: I do function differently on my medications.  People interacting with me daily can attest to this, but I will explain that later. 

For two weeks, I took no medication.  I functioned like I think any other person without any responsibility would.  The stress faded while I snorkelled the Great Barrier Reef, watched baby turtles hatch (they should be featured on a perseverance poster, by the way) and scurry to the ocean, and held a Koala.  Well, you get the picture.  During these two weeks, I did things I will probably never do again; this is another topic worthy of its own blog.  Look at me coming up with ideas to write about, now to follow through, but I digress. Back to the topic… focus, Justine!!

What was I talking about?? Oh, yes, the two-week medication vacation.  It was glorious, or so I thought.  I was busy but relaxed.  I slept through the night from about 10 pm-6 am as though scheduled, which I was unaware I was waking with the sun and Suzy, who I forgot to mention, owns a health and wellness clinic in Australia, so she also functions on the same schedule. Like I said, I leaned into it; I was along for the ride. I would wake to the sun, the sounds of splashing water and music while Suzy developed her aqua fit class for the day. 

So, two weeks, no meds.  I kept repeating this, but I really did not know how it would play out, and I needed to know. Looking back, I still feel it went well.  To the point that I thought I was not going to take meds upon my return, I was convinced I did not need them anymore until I wasn’t. Two weeks of no meds, great sleep, no responsibility and no stress came to a screeching halt when reality set in.  The first day back to reality, I did not take my medication because I did not need it right. Wrong.  My poor students, and don’t get me wrong, they are fine; these are second-year university students who know me.  I assume that some probably found it entertaining, while others could probably relate. Some have told me my chaotic brain normalized things for them in the past.  That I could not maintain a train of thought is an understatement. I was not linear in my thinking or my communication. I eventually had to confess my lack of medication that day or for the two weeks prior.

 What it came down to was I needed to know, and Australia, with someone who has known me my whole life and away from reality, seemed like the perfect place to find out, and I did. Don’t get me wrong, I fully accept my ADHD, and I know that my medication does not impact my intelligence, but what it does is help me share my knowledge with others.  It helps me help others understand their abilities with ADHD rather than their disabilities.  This is my blog’s purpose, research, and continued commitment to advocacy. So now I return to my above statement.  Full disclosure: I do function differently on my medications, but it does not change who I am, and people who interact with me daily can attest to this fact.  I am back to medication and not sleeping as I write this at 4 am because my stupid brain would not shut off. 

I have said before I will try to be more consistent in my writting and maybe if I write when I cannot sleep I can make that happen.