So, I have an update.  Have you ever imagined the unimaginable?  I am still a little shocked, and it has not yet sunk in.  I have been accepted to a Ph.D. program at York.  I cannot put how I am feeling into words. 

I remember when I was a kid, I saw so many child psychologists because of my illness that I swore when I grew up, I was going to be a child psychologist.  Until I realized the amount of education that entailed becoming a doctor. I was unsure how I would get through elementary and high school.  Daydreaming, or what became known as my absentee seizures, was the tragic reality of my childhood epilepsy that was my hurdle.  

I was the “weird” outcast, according to all my classmates. Seizures, corrective shoes, a lisp, ADHD, the most popular kid I was not, and the attention I received was rarely positive.  Thinking back, the names were kind of lame, but in elementary school, they hurt.  This was around the time “The Dukes of Hazzard” was on TV, and I loved the show until I didn’t. There was a character on the show, “J.D Hogg,” and my initials were JD, so everyone called me JD Hogg.  The funny thing is that he was this overweight man who smoked a cigar, and I was a tall, lanky blonde kid; we could not have been more different.  But these negative social interactions slowly stole my already delicate self-esteem until my well ran dry and was completely depleted. Then, I was left behind.   I failed grade five; my well-intentioned parents changed my school as though the kids in the new school would not put things together at birthday parties when they discovered I was a year older than them. 

Everyone wants to belong and be accepted for their authentic self.  I feel I am able to be myself; it only took 52 years, but slow and steady wins the race because this weird JD Hogg is going to get her doctorate.  Well, I am getting a little ahead of myself, but I received notice today that I have been accepted into the Sociology Ph.D. program at York.  So, for those of you who know me, that means I will become a doctor because I am obsessive and stubborn. My ADHD and obsession with my research fuel a fire that cannot be extinguished.  That and this is personal.  This is my opportunity to take the angst, the large chip on my shoulder and show those who doubted my ability that I can be part of the 1% of Canadians who complete their Ph.D.  

This is the beginning of attaining the unimaginable dream of being able to say Dr. when asked if it is Ms. or Mrs. I may not become a child psychologist, but that’s ok because my goals, my research is geared toward deconstructing the system that causes so many kids to live the experience that I did.  This Ph.D. candidate plans on changing the world for so many students whose education system is forcing them into a box in which they do not fit.

I am excited about this journey, a little scared, shocked and overwhelmed by my acceptance, but I am up for the challenge, and people were right; I landed where I belong. I landed where I can make the biggest difference and have the greatest impact while fulfilling a personal goal and showing those who made me doubt myself that I am smarter than the average bear.