This has been a roller-coaster of a week. I often say life can change instantly; unfortunately, my family has found this out the hard way over the years. Have you ever wondered what it is like to feel emotions ten-fold? To be ultra-sensitive to the feelings of others, on top of dealing with your own feelings. I feel like that is life with ADHD, at least for me.

I recently replied to a post about this very issue. I explained that even when watching tv, I have to leave the room when the person on the show, yes, the fictional show, is being mistreated. I cheer for the underdog, always. The underdog often has the biggest heart.

I am not sure what made this week so emotional. It was not all bad; it was more good than bad, and I find those more complicated sometimes. I finally got invited to speak at a conference I had hoped for, which I have been working towards for a while. I have been invited to a few conferences in the past year, but this is an ADHD conference. I think I figured it out.

When good things happen, we want to share them with those closest to us—our
families but often more specifically, our parents. I had a few good things
happen his week, and my automatic reaction is to call my mom, but I can’t.
Cancer took my mom from me Nov 2017 and my father-in-law eight months later in
August 2018. It is at times like this week that it hits home. I have told
people I sometimes pretend my mom is mad at me and not talking to me, so we do
not see each other. It makes it easier, although not exactly healthy. I thought
it was an odd way of coping until I didn’t.

While researching ADHD for my major research paper, I learned much about
myself and this complicated disorder.I would say two traits that stood out for me are sensitivity and the issue of object consistency. These are two traits I never connected to my ADHD. The removal of my mother from my daily interactions in my mind seemed no different than when she was alive because I did not see her every day, so things did not appear much different. When it is a punch in the gut however, are times like this week when I want to share what is happening in my life and cannot.

I guess the purpose of this post is that ADHD is complicated. It varies from person to person and is always a learning process. Learning about ADHD has helped me learn about myself, and the more I learn, the more I embrace my quirky, misunderstood traits. By the way, I still talk to my mom and father-in-law. We just talk differently now, and I do not need them to answer because I know they continue to look over us just also differently, like a butterfly.