A day in the life of my ADHD Contradictions. I feel like these are aspects of ADHD that nobody can understand unless they are diagnosed.  Contradictions, the dictionary defines it as a situation or ideas in opposition to one another; I feel this is the best way to describe ADHD. This is probably why I am skeptical of people who claim to be ADHD coaches but are not diagnosed. They took a class and received a certificate from an academic institution.  The irony is that most educational institutions do not adequately support their students with ADHD and employ a medical deficit perspective that overlooks the societal aspects by labelling it as a learning disability rather than a learning difference. 

Living with this diagnosis, I truly believe you can read all the books you want; they are all deficit-focused, influenced by the DSM-5 and pharmaceutical industry and do not explain anything outside of the symptoms that some clinician has created guidelines for.  Stop and ask the individual what they need, what can help them regulate, and help them learn, because we may have the same diagnosis, but we are all different.  This is the most frustrating thing about this. 

 I do have a childhood diagnosis, but I am not defined by it. My personal journey with ADHD includes both social and academic roadblocks.  I failed grade 5, struggled academically, and finished high school at 20 to start university for the first time at 22. However, I decided to go back to school, which spiralled into so much more.  It became a fixation.  My journey back to school went from upgrading my undergraduate degree to making the Dean’s list, earning a master’s degree, and now I am working towards a PhD. I am a walking contradiction who has a learning difference, not disability, that once recognized changed the trajectory of my academic career.

My journey with ADHD has been one of growth and personal achievement, despite the challenges.  I am more than a textbook clinical diagnosis.  The contradictions of ADHD make this diagnosis unique in how it impacts every individual. The textbook explanation of ADHD is such a small part of this diagnosis that it distorts people’s understanding of ADHD and what it is, because it is different for each of us. The concept of a ‘walking contradiction’ in the context of ADHD means that what seems like common sense does not apply. These contradictions are a part of my daily life.  I need quiet to do work without distraction, but then listen to classical music to focus. I want to be included in social events, but I often cancel at the last minute because I am not good with crowds of people and then feel tremendous guilt. The emotions are overwhelming, they are big, all-consuming for me, and even now, as an adult, they often squash any notions of common sense.   I am horrible at making decisions, but I need a plan to reduce my brain spiralling.  My clothes do not always feel right. If I cannot find the only socks I like, yes, I need a specific brand and type of socks, then I won’t wear socks even in the dead of winter. Subjects that do not interest me are impossible, but when I am interested, I sit in one spot and do not move for hours on end. Tasks that I want to do become an obsession. So many things, so hard to explain. 

This takes me back to the most significant contradiction. The fact that people use a textbook to provide them with knowledge and guide them on how to address this complex existence.  Stop and ask us what works. Listen to our stories and include us in figuring out how to utilize our strengths. However, understand that although one experience may provide a valuable perspective, it does not mean that it can be applied to all people with ADHD.  

Caffeine makes me sleepy, so I am going to have a cup of coffee and then I’m off to bed. Contradictions do not get bigger than that.